All Hail to the Bitch

WARNING: This is an I am angry at myself entry. I needed to blow off steam. If entries such as these upset you, please do not continue.

Look, it only took me over a week to write after saying I would write the next day. Go me and doing what I said I would. At one point I even had vaguely interesting things to say, but I'll be damned if I remember them now, not that it would really make a difference, I am in quite a different mood at the moment I think. Somewhere between really angry and the verge of tears. Go me.

I've always kinda been considered a bitch. I have a mean, I don't give a rats ass, streak that people often pick up on. Plus the whole, run on raw emotions thing...making me moody, possesive and just generally a pain. But every once in a while, I get tired of being the bitch. I get tired of emotions. I get tired of not being able to turn them off.

I hate myself because of my emotions, I hate myself for feeling them. I can't stand that I despise people, not hate, but despise. I can hardly stand that I am nearly reduced to tears right now and can't explain why. That my throat is closed off with the effort not to breakdown and weep. I hate my jealous and rage and paranoia. I hate myself for feeling them and yet can't get rid of them. And I hate other people seeing me as a bitch.
I woud continue, but I am apprently making enough noise to wake the dead. Go me, another thing to add to my list. Will finish later I suppose. Maybe I even really will this time.

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