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2003-11-05 ~ 2:35 p.m.
Everybody's FoolIcons of self indulgence Just what we all need More lies about a world that Never was and never will be Have you no shame don't you see me You know you've got everybody fooled Look here she comes now Bow down and stare in wonder Oh how we love you No flaws when you're pretending But now i know she Never was and never will be You don't know how you've betrayed me And somehow you've got everybody fooled Without the mask where will you hide Can't find yourself lost in your lie I know the truth now I know who you are And i don't love you anymore It never was and never will be You're not real and you can't save me Somehow now you're everybody's fool -Evanesence I'm so unbelievably frustrated with the world right now it's amazing. I'm pretty sure diaryland hates me seeing as whenever I want to check diaries or write an entry when I am home it decides it doesn't want to work. Not that I suppose it matters if I write or not. No one really reads this. I could just shrug and say doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not because it should be for me. I have a hand written journal for that. Not that I've been writing in it. Go me and being reliable. I feel vastly upset, annoyed and hurt by several people, but I natually don't want to hurt anyone so I am keeping my mouth shut. I almost feel like I shouldn't even make the effort. I'm tired of trying to help only to be given the run around. I don't deal well with being brushed off and ignored. I don't like feeling like I can be replaced without anyone even blinking. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter it still makes a person feel like shit. Speaking of feeling like shit. I'm finally home, with my room to myself, looking forward to sinking into my queen sized bed, sleeping, playing games and just generally being sick. So naturally she comes home from work early, tells me to move over and be quiet cause she wants to sleep. Once again I am expelled from my own goddamned room. I'm being used by friends and family and I hate it. And people wonder why I've become a heartless stone cold bitch. I want to fall into his arms and scream and cry. I know I can't. He needs my support right now and I think he is the only person I don't really resent for it. Halloween/Samhain came and went. It's my favorite time of the year, somehow this year....I just feel a dull ache, like I'm missing something. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to see my friends at the party, but somehow....something was wrong. I don't know, probably just me. But seeing as my chest is tight and I can't seem to make my thoughts make sense anymore I'm going to quit. Maybe Battle.net is back up. Hopefully killing things will make me feel better. That and maybe a hot shower. If you're confused about what the above song has to do with anything, just ask. You probably didn't know me until recently. After the masks. | ||
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