2003-07-23 ~ 12:57 a.m.

House Wrecking

Been a long day. Not a good day really. Well, some parts of it were good. Was invited over to Blaze's house to enjoy it being empty of anyone but here for one more night. Minature party type thing. Blaze and her boyfriend, Allanon, Me, and my boyfriend and once she got off work, my boyfriend's mistress/girlfriend (I don't really know the term). Was interesting. I smiled, and laughed and made jokes, at sometimes the laughter was even genuine. I enjoyed myself at time. Found myself getting along with everyone. My boyfriend didn't seem to be enjoying himself much. Had a headache, though some part of me thinks it was more than that. He seemed really unhappy, and I feel like I did something terribly wrong. He says I didn't but...*shrugs*. Dropped him and his girl at his place. He doesn't work tomorrow. I hope he gets some sleep and feels better. I didn't get an I love you, night. But I think he was just tired.
Realized about half way home, that I possibly didn't have enough gas to get home, and no money to get more. Me having to walk it was suddenly a very looming prospect. Some small part of me suddenly had the urge to floor it and see just how fast I could go, and how far I would get. My reason convinced my otherwise. I did make it home, but I'm running on empty. Hope I can get it to a gas station tomorrow. I could so do racing. I would really enjoy it I think. I just need to learn how to drive a standard and come up with a ton of money to invest in a car. And learn car maintenace and.....hmm. Might take me a very long time before it happens.
Don't want to be alone tonight. Don't want to wake up alone in the morning. I need to be held. I've needed to be held all day. It's weird. I just want someone to hold me, to pet my hair. To lay beside me. I just don't want to be by myself. A while my cat is wonderful, it's not quite the same. I know. I'm being a wimp.

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