2004-07-13 ~ 10:39 p.m.

Drowning Quicksand



Well, surprisingly enough I went to make an entry and it didn't give me the 'Sorry, more important people are making entries right now' message. Mark this day on your calender. I had planned to give a run down on my life lately, but it seems like that might take a very very long time. Instead I guess I will just go with the highlights.
I work seven days a week now. 8hrs/day Monday thru Friday, and between 6 and 8 hours Sat and Sun. This seems to be having interesting effects on my sanity, or at this point lack there of. Of course the fact that even though I am working my ass off I'm still not making enough money. I seem to spend it fast than I can make it. It's rather frightning. And just for the record credit cards are evil things. Too bad in this day and age, they are a necessary evil.
Somehow I've been sinking down into a rather bad depression. It reminds me of quicksand almost. First it gets a foot, and then you're up to your ankles and the next thing you know you're neck deep and don't even know how to struggle anymore. It just all became so overwhelming. I don't know how it all got away from me. Part of it might possibly be because I haven't really been able to afford my pills, so I've been off them a while. Sadly it makes a big difference. I hate pills, I have being on them, having to take them and yet I can't seem to function properly without them. It's so frustrating. I hate being this way. Yesterday was one of those days that proved that point perfectly. I couldn't seem to handle anything. One little thing and I fell to pieces. It was really sad. It was not a good day, and part of me is still surprised I'm here to write about it. BTW. Thanks honey.
Today was a better day. Things didn't go too badly, other than a possible misunderstanding this morning which I'm not even sure is a problem yet, but I'm paranoid and worry. I survived work, and even went to the Gym afterwards, scary ne? I am currently being banished to the computer so my BF can figure out our finances without me sitting there and stressing him out by being all stressed and panicky. Unfortunately I've run out of energy to babble, so I am going to close this entry, and hopefully I will write again sometimes soon.
I'll try to be a good girl and get pills to take....keep me from sinking quite so far so fast. Goodnight.

 

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