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2003-07-30 ~ 10:45 p.m.
RebuildingThe last little while has been....interesting. Somewhat hectic and rather upsetting. To start off with, I just got a new job, which I am slowly trying to adjust to. It's pretty much a 9 to 5 job. Not quite used to getting up that early, but I am working on it. Admittedly I spend the day hotter than hell, but it's money, and I need that. I actually rather enjoy where am I working. Getting a lot done. My boyfriend's other girlfriend won a lady's night out, for her and 7 of her frineds. I am suppose to be trying to make friends with her and was invited to go along. I don't drink very often, actually I rarely drink, so last night was interesting. I got totally plastered, litterally fall down drunk. It was a new experience. One that I will never ever repeat I think. I had thought things weren't going too badly. Apparently I was wrong. She and I were talking about our boyfriend, and I said I wanted to be with him forever and marry him. She said she only wanted him for a while. So I said, Oh you are just borrowing then? She said yes. At the time that made me feel a little better. Considering who I am, I thought we were getting along well. She was very nice and took care of me, and that night I passed out between two warm bodies, one of which was hers. When I awoke in the morning, the more I became less hung over what little confidence I had was slowly disolving, even though I figured we were getting along alright, and I had ever started to let down my walls. Apparently though she feels I said that she is unwelcome intrusion. I may have been drunk, but I don't recall saying anything of the sort. And I do remember most of the night. Anyways, seems I am once again the bad guy, being an apparent bitch. The walls that had started to crumble are back up full force and slowly being reinforced, brick by brick. I've already been told I need to be happier, pretend to be less....prickly I think was the term used. I know I left my happy face mask around here somewhere, I think I need to dust it off. My roommate is back, for an undetermined amount of time. Things didn't go the way they were supposed to, so now I have no idea how long she will be staying. I feel beyond depressed. I suppose that is selfish since she is having a bad time. It's just rather stressful, on top of everything else. Looks like most people agree I'm selfish anyways. *sighs* Never again..... | ||
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